On the subject of online dating services...

Hmm, well, I'm willing to admit that I have signed up for a few of the online matching services out on the net. I do so for a number of reasons, which I will proceed to explain so I don't seem so pathetic. 

First, I live in Melbourne, FL. So far, single women don't seem to live in Melbourne, FL. 

Second, I'm told that to meet the few that do exist you have to go to bars, but I'm not really into the bar scene, and will frankly admit that in general the bar-going types are not really what I'm interested in.

So this lead me to online dating sites. Honestly, if you are member of one of these sites you have to have a basic computer skill (well, possibly), which makes you somewhat more of a geek than those who hang around in bars. I consider that a good thing. 

So, the reason I'm posting this isn't to point out how pathetic I am or to post a defense; the reason I'm posting this is to point out my observations of the sites and their users. Shall I begin? Ahem.

First, the general process of using them is evil. All of them let you sign up for free, but in order to talk to anyone you have to pay through the nose. They edit your personal information just to make sure there is no way anyone can contact you, or you them, without paying their fees. I suppose there's a point (i.e. so they can make lots of money), but it still seems invasive. "Congratulations, you've found the girl/guy of your dreams. There's no way you will ever contact her/him without forking over. MWAHAHAHA." I'm sure that's what their creators are thinking.

As for the people, I have a few comments/suggestions. 

1)  Post a photo. It's easy. Not posting a photo makes people assume you don't want to be seen and wonder why. 
2) If you post a photo, make sure it is right side up. I'm sure someday the hope is to see you horizontally, but not in the introduction.
3) What's with all of the swingers? It's really depressing to see someone nice's profile and get to the very end with the line "Oh, and I'm happily married and we're looking for someone to join us." Creepy.
4) Speaking about keeping things to the end, be up front about important things like kids. Waiting for the last line to put "Oh, and I have 5 kids" seems a bit underhanded. As an addendum, don't list "No Children" on your profile and then mention it in the body. That seems dishonest, and honesty is a cornerstone to a good relationship.
5) If you have kids, do not post their pictures instead of yours on your profile. It's unnerving to see a page of women and then some 6-year-old boy. You're trying to find a future mate, not a pedophile. (This reminds me of the John Fogerty song "I Will Walk With You", which sounds like a very romantic date until you realize he's singing to his daughter, at which point everything just seems creepy.)
7) Why do so many of the names have "redneck" in them. Is there that big a demand for rednecks?

Anyway, those are just my observations.

On the subject of the oddities of Melbourne...and (possible) dumpster sex...

In 3 days I will have lived in Melbourne, FL for one whole year. My first impression of Melbourne when I came down for my job interview was that it is filled with old people; not only old people, but old people who like to pull out in front of you while you're doing 45 MPH. This happened to me twice while I was down here for one day for a job interview. The funny thing is, now that I live down here I haven't noticed the old people as much, except at Publix (it hasn't rained there again). I think it's because I'm at work all day, and they come out in the day.

The next recent oddity is the phonebook graveyard on Dairy road. It seems to be a strange place for phonebooks to go to die. I don't know if they fell of a truck or what (there seem to be more of them every time I drive down Dairy), but phonebook carcasses litter the road. It's sad. I think they may be Talking Phonebooks though, so I won't take the time to mourne them.

The last weirdness tops it all. Late one night I went with Matt to Taco Bell next to Pier 1 on 192. We parked facing Pier 1 and were surpised to see a group of teenagers hanging out on the dumpster out back, including a couple making out. Now, what comes to normal people's minds is "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING MAKING OUT ON A DUMPSTER?" What on earth would possess people to think that a great hang-out spot would be a giant box filled with trash? An even better question, how do you convince a member of the fairer (and generally smarter) sex to join you in an intimate act upon said container of refuse. 

We speculate that the conversation must have gone something like this:

"Hey, sweets, wanna do somethin' special tonight?"
"Uh huh."
"You wanna go to the dumpster?"
"Ummmmmmmmmm..."
"No baby, it's not like that. This is the Pier 1 dumpster. This is quality. You know I wouldn't take you to that one again."
"Ok, I guess."

A more realistic explanation probably includes drugs. But you have to wonder, what type of teenagers are these, even if they're higher than kites. One also has to wonder how far things went after we left. The possibilties are scary. We didn't stick around to find out.